PACTing Up and Moving On.

On Monday I visited the PACT: World of Care Daycare center in Woodlawn. It is affiliated with the Kennedy Krieger Institute and is specifically for kids who are medically and developmentally “fragile”. This was truly a bittersweet experience for me. I met the social worker at the front desk and she gave me the obligatory tour of the general areas (which I was really impressed with) and then we saw the room that Jackson would be in. There are six beautiful children in this room, whose issues range in nature and severity. The head teacher for the room is sweet and stern – providing consistent and helpful feed back for each child – with special adaptations as needed.

Before I left the center, I knew this is where Jackson should be. So the social worker and I coordinated our calendars and scheduled his official assessment. I gave his current daycare center notice this morning that the 22nd of August will be his last day there. I think they were a little shocked – as I had given no previous indication this was coming.

This will be a really positive change for Jackson. The center is absolutely committed to supporting (in any and every way) the development of the children there. It is however, another very difficult reality to grasp.

It is really painful think of Jackson as “one of those kids” – but at this point it is the reality we must live in. I have tried to be as optimistic as possible for a very long time, believing the doctors and therapists when they tell us he will catch up. The fact of the matter is they don’t know that for sure. No one does.

I feel really selfish for even blogging about this, and as I have blogged before, I know that things for Jack could be so much worse. But lately that realization has not provided me with much comfort. Instead the realization that he will likely not lead an easy life has stricken me with a great deal of sadness. I am sad that Jack has to struggle. I am sad that he will likely have a really difficult time with school. I am sad that he will likely be limited to lifestyle and career choices. I am sad that he will likely be called names, beat up and ridiculed by people who won’t take the time to understand the challenges he faces. And while none of these difficulties are absolutes, the further behind he falls developmentally, the greater the likelihood is that they will in time become reality. Time has now become both our enemy and our friend.