I can no longer avoid it.

I've been trying, in a very un-American way, to avoid the election coverage. I have my own political views and beliefs, which are for the most part none of anyone else's business. I hate talking politics - probably because I feel remarkably uneducated on the subject of and issues related to. But I can't stand it any longer.

The republican nominee, who's name I cannot even bring myself to mention, is unbelievably shallow. Saying that he/they understand what it's like to have a special needs child because the VP nominee's infant son has Down Syndrome is like saying that because Jason's father died of cancer 15+ years ago, I understand what it is like to have cancer. PLEASE.

I cannot possibly do this topic justice. Thankfully someone else has. I urge you to read I Know Nothing About Special Needs. Really - worth the time.

Still waiting.

No I haven't forgotten to update with the results of Jack's latest round of genetic testing. We simply haven't received them yet. And while I realize "these things take time", as mentioned multiple times by our Genetic Neurologist, I am becoming increasingly impatient with the process. Testing that was to take four weeks has now stretched on beyond six weeks and counting. I am a patient person, but enough already. Given the possible outcomes, every single moment really does count. A lot.

I hate to brag...

But I will. I rock. No really, this time, I've outdone myself.

I returned from Miami yesterday, tanned, and somewhat rested, to my usual chaos. Jason came home from work and was clearly in a grumpy mood. Noting this, I called him this morning on my way in and asked why he was so blue. He simply said he just needs to get out and have some fun, you know unwind a bit. So when I arrived at work, I was determined to find something for him to do to blow some steam off.

Some of you may know both of the following facts: Jason is a HUGE Phillies fan. The Phillies are currently in the race for the pennant. Game two of the NLCS is being held in Philadelphia this afternoon. So I went on Stub Hub (Ouch!) and bought two tickets to the game. I called one of Jason's closest friends, Scott, and asked him to meet Jason in Philly for the game. Then I called Jason. I could hear the smile over the phone and knew I had hit a home run (sorry I couldn't resist).

So he's off to Philadelphia to have some fun - and I am sure he'll do just that.

Back from the oblivion

Hello dear readers. Thanks for staying tuned during my brief intermission. I've been short of time lately and completly unable to blog. And I've missed it terribly.

This past Wednesday was Jack's first day of "special ed" classes. I drove him to daycare at the usual time and proceeded to wait for the bus to arrive. Not trusting two county employees I've never met, I felt the need to physically be there for his first bus ride.

We've been prepping for weeks, reading stories about buses and schools, even one "social story" written just for Jack by his new teacher. And when the big day arrived, he was excited (as far as I could tell) to ride the bus. I kept asking "Jack, who is riding the bus today?" and he would respond with an "aak" and point to himself.

When the announcement came over intercome system at school that "Jack's bus is here" his face lit up with surprise and astonishment. As we walked outside, the surprise was quickly replace with fear and the screaming began. The two county employees were cordial and tried their best to assess the situation, but there was no comforting him. I only had time to kiss him good bye and fasten his seat belt. He was completely petrified with fear and there was nothing I could do about it. The bus had a schedule to keep and I had to get off so they could move on.

As I stepped off the bus, the doors closed and the tears flowed. I couldn't help but feel that I failed him completely, that I made the wrong decision. I wanted to get in the car and chase the bus down. But I knew that was not the right thing to do. Instead I got in my car and cried.

Jack's journey has been a long one, full of challenging moments requiring more strength than I ever thought I had. Taking him in for general anestesia, for example, is never fun or easy. The stuff smells like jet fuel no matter what flavor lip balm they smear around the edges. But the fear doesn't last long, and I know he won't remember the experience when it is all said and done. There was no such comfort putting him on the bus, facing similar fears. I was a train wreck for the rest of the day. My nerves were raw and distraction from my concern was difficult to come by.

The next day, I chose not to be present for the arrival of the bus. Heidi, the social worker at his daycare who I've come to rely on, filled me in with the details that day. "He was great. Happily walked right on to the bus without a care in the world." Wow. He was playing me all along.

Post Time

I desperately need to post. I yearn to post. However, I have no time at the present to write a proper post. I am travelling to Miami on Sunday, again for business, at which point I hope to take some time by the pool to blog. Pray for sunny weather, the last time I was there, so was Fay.

Judgement

I hate to do this, but I must. I've simply become too bitter to not blog about it and hope for some relief.

I have recently gone through a nasty break up - no not with my adoring husband. A person who I considered one of my best friends, just used an overly stupid excuse to explain that she no longer wants to be my friend. Her excuse? She doesn't like my husband. No really. And while her email describing her issue with Jason was more detailed than that, the point was pretty much the same. (And yes, it was delivered via email.)

Now I have unbelievably great girlfriends, some of which have husbands who, well, shall we say they aren't the most considerate of men. I don't pass judgement on their relationship, they are all big girls and can handle the situation. And if, God forbid, they come to a point where they can't or don't want to handle it any more, then I am confident that they know how to solve the problem. (I don't mean using a mediator by the name of Smith and Wesson either.) And should that time come, if they need my support then they will have it. Until then, I am a compassionate friend, listening, offering my opinion when solicited (and sometimes when not solicited) but NEVER judging. That's simply not what friends do.

This particular former friend, seems to think it is okay to pass judgement, and apparently thinks I should be grateful for her friendship and input. Well, no thanks. And while there is so so so much more I would love to vent about regarding this situation, I won't. Simply put, the friendship no longer exist. I don't acknowledge her, she avoids me, and we move on. What a waste.

Happy Birthday Jack!

At about 3:00 AM on this day, three years ago, I woke Jason and informed him "It's that time". After a few moments of incoherence, Jason shook off the sleep and was up and dressed in a flash. We packed up the car and calmly drove the short route to the hospital. Later that day,at 6:01PM, Jackson Elliott Bender entered the world. It was the beginning of a difficult but beautiful journey.

So happy happy birthday to my Boy. I hope this day is filled with all his favorite things: cars, trucks, books about cars and trucks, Elmo, Blue, Rocket, trains, lawn mowers and vacuum cleaners.

Thanks to those of you who have recently helped us celebrate all things Jack; Our happy HEALTHY baby Boy.